For the first time in months, I woke up feeling optimistic. I woke up with this thought: be more kind to yourself. It’s often said that we’re our own worst critic. But the way I treat myself is worse. Whenever I make bad decisions, I punish myself. But this morning I realized I needed to forgive myself and simply be more kind. So I wanted to share what this Summer as taught me about depression and forgiveness.
I’ve talked about my struggle with depression before. It hadn’t been too bad for a while, but this Summer has completely thrown me for a loop. I’m still not where I want to be in life. So I just haven’t been okay. I’ve lost interest in everything and isolated myself. There are so many things for me to be grateful for, but I’ve been having trouble seeing the good in anything.
As cliche as it sounds, everything does happen for a reason. All the pain I’ve felt will allow me to help someone one day. Everything that’s gone on this Summer has also forced me to open up more to my family and friends. I’ve been sharing a lot more with my Granny who surprisingly encouraged me to seek counseling. I actually have my first appointment this week which I’m looking forward to. I doubt I would have taken that step without the support of my family and friends. I’ll be going to a counseling center here in town but a friend also recommended Talk Space for any of you that also might need help.
Everything I’ve been feeling has also forced me to get closer to God. I thought keeping the Sabbath on a regular basis meant I’d be close to God. But I’m realizing I have a lot more to learn to develop that connection I need to survive.
The main thing I’ve learned from this experience is that I have to forgive myself. I’ve made a lot of decisions I’m not proud of, but they’re no reason to beat myself up and give up on life. I have to be more kind to myself, because failure is the only way to learn about ourselves, grow and move forward.